


Iron Mike

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29011374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: Starsky and Hutch inadvertently discover that a highly revered police captain may be in collusion with a criminal.
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	Iron Mike


    IRON MIKE
    
    Season 2, Episode 12
    
    Original Airdate: December 18, 1976
    
    Teleplay by: Ron Firedman and Arthur Norman
    Story by: Arthur Norman 
    Directed by: Don Weis
    Created by: William Blinn
    
    Summary: Starsky and Hutch inadvertently discover that a highly revered police captain may be in collusion with a criminal. 
    
    Cast: 

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Michael Conrad ... Capt. Mike Ferguson

Ric Mancini ... Johnny Lonigan

Peter MacLean ... Matt Coyle

Shannon Wilcox ... Laura Lonigan

Marc Alaimo ... 'Skinny' Momo

Harold Fong ... Waiter

Gerald Jann ... Waiter

Buddy Lester ... Lucky Lester
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Gung Ho Restaruant**
    
    HUTCH: I must be crazy. I must have some kind of a death wish.
    
    STARSKY: Look, will you trust me, please?
    
    HUTCH: That's what it is.
    
    STARSKY: I'll have you know that one of the finest gourmets in town touted me on this joint.
    
    HUTCH: Where did you ever meet a gourmet?
    
    STARSKY: At the bowling league. Remember that fat guy with the silver shirt? His name's Dimitri Goldberg.
    
    HUTCH: Dimitri, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm. There it is, a rising star in the cooking hall of fame.
    
    HUTCH: You know, you said the same thing about that fish joint where the health inspector got sick.
    
    STARSKY: So, I'm not perfect.  This way.
    
    HUTCH: Hey. Hey, one more thing.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Why is it that we have to go in the back door? Why can't we go in the front door like everybody else?
    
    STARSKY: Anybody can go in the front door. Now, listen, this is important. If Harry's not cooking today, we leave.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: You ready?
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Gung Ho Restaurant Kitchen**
    
    HUTCH: Last time I saw a place like this was in a James Bond- What is this?
    
    STARSKY: Harry? Harry? Harry. My name's Dave Starsky. This is Ken Hutchinson.
    
    HUTCH: How do you do?
    
    STARSKY: Harry. Harry, a friend of mine, Dimitri Goldberg. Harry, Dimitri Goldberg. 
    
    HUTCH: He doesn't understand English.
    
    STARSY: Maybe he does. Harry, he told me that your best dish...
    
    HUTCH: Starsk, I think Harry's busy.
    
    STARSKY: Is mushu pork. Mushu, mushi pork. Mushi pork, Harry. Mushi pork
    with the soft brown noodles? Huh, Harry? Well, he said it's fantastic.
    
    HUTCH: Okay, all right, all right. All right, all right, I'm sorry.
    
    STARSKY: That your best dish was mushi pork. Mushu pork. Harry...
    
    HUTCH: Starsk.
    
    STARSKY: Mushi pork. Mushi pork, Harry. Is that what you...?
    
    HUTCH: Starsky!
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Come here!
    
    STARSKY: Okay. Excuse me, Harry. Mushi pork, okay? Is she pretty?
    
    HUTCH: Look, but stay back.
    
    STARSKY: Iron Mike Ferguson.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: See, I'm not the only one with taste. Hey, we never congratulated him for becoming captain. Let's pick up his tab.
    
    HUTCH: Look, Starsky... Will you get off me? Get...
    
    STARSKY: I can't.
    
    HUTCH: Get off me.
    
    STARSKY: I'm squished. I can't.
    
    HUTCH: Now, take a look at who he's with.
    
    STARSKY: Who he's with?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Matt Coyle.
    
    HUTCH: Mm-hm.
    
    STARSKY: What's a hard-nose cop like Ferguson doing with a crumb like Matt Coyle?
    
    HUTCH: I hate to think about it.
    
    STARSY: Hey.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    HUGCH: Oh, my.
    
    STARSKY: I get the feeling we're in the wrong place at the right time. I don't believe this.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk, get up! All right, come on.
    
    STARSKY: You think he saw me?
    
    HUTCH: Come on, let's get out of here.
    
    COYLE: Hey, what's going on, Wang?
    
    WANG: (speaks in Chinese) 
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Gung Ho Restaurant**
    
    STARSKY: What's a cop like Iron Mike Ferguson doing playing footsie with a bum like Matty Coyle?
    
    HUTCH: I don't know, Starsk. Maybe we're overreacting.
    
    STARSKY: Overreacting? If we saw what it looked like we saw, Ferguson is on the take.
    
    HUTCH: If. That's a big word.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: It's not just that. I haven't understood one word since you've been in here.
    
    STARSKY: Captain, we're not sure what we saw was in fact what we saw, but... If... If... If... If...
    
    HUTCH: Cap... Cap... Hold on a second. Captain, what Starsky's trying to say is that we did see what we saw.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, we saw it.
    
    HUTCH: We just don't know what it means. I saw. I know. And...
    
    STARSKY: Okay. And if we saw what we saw...
    
    DOBEY: Hold it! You both can't talk at the same time. All right, Hutchinson, you go.
    
    HUTCH: There, you see? Okay, now-
    
    DOBEY: Wait a minute. (on phone) Dobey here. Oh, fine. Send him in. All right, now whatever it is will have to wait. You remember Captain Ferguson? He wants to speak to you.
    
    FERGUSON: Hello, Starsky.
    
    STARSKY: Captain, how are you?
    
    FERGUSON: Hello, Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Captain.
    
    FERGUSON: All right, captain?
    
    DOBEY: Be my guest.
    
    FERGUSON: Well, the situation is this, fellas. I got a big one going down, and I'm short-handed. Too many of my guys are on long-term stakeouts, so I need volunteers. Now, your captain's already agreed. What do you say?
    
    HUTCH: Well, it's nice to be wanted.
    
    STARSKY: What's the setup?
    
    FERGUSON: Well, it's Darcy's Department Store. It's a three-man operation. All hard cases. Half a dozen murder raps between them and no convictions. The hit goes down five minutes before closing time, 5:25 today. And we're gonna be there.
    
    DOBEY: Now, Captain Ferguson assures me that his informant is 100 percent, which means you're gonna get a chance to make a good clean bust with a minimum risk. If there are no questions and you're agreeable, you're working for him temporarily.
    
    STARSKY: When do we start?
    
    FERGUSON: Now, get down to the chalk room for a mission briefing. When we go in, we go in ready. You may remember my methods.
    
    HUTCH: Vividly.
    
    FERGUSON: All right, get going. I'll be with you as soon as Dobey and I wrap up
    a little paperwork. 
    
    DOBEY: Sign there on the dotted line.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Police Precinct Corridor**
    
    HUTCH: Doesn't it seem strange?
    
    STARSKY: Have you got a dime?
    
    HUTCH: Doesn't it seem strange that Ferguson suddenly needs us? We haven't seen the man in over a year.
    
    STARSKY: Well, we saw him today, and if he saw us...
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, what if he saw us?
    
    STARSKY: He shows up in Dobey's office and wants us in on a bust.
    
    HUTCH: At Darcy's department store. That's some kind of a coincidence, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Well, where does that leave us, except with us standing here, you eating my lunch?
    
    HUTCH: The question is, where does that leave us at 5:25 this afternoon?
    
    STARSKY: I think I just lost my appetite.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, don't worry. It won't happen to us.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah? How can you be so sure at 5:25 this afternoon?
    
    HUTCH: Because we've got something that Ferguson doesn't have.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah? What's that?
    
    HUTCH: Each other. You lucky devil.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Coyle Provision Co.**
    
    LONIGAN: Hey.
    
    COYLE: Johnny!
    
    LONIGAN: I started going over the books with Arnie, Mr. Coyle. I figured you're always kind of late when you take lunch at your club. Did you have a good time?
    
    COYLE: At the club? Well, now, Johnny, I'm gonna have to take you there someday so you can learn the true meaning of the word "boredom." There's nothing duller than watching a millionaire with an ulcer eat his cottage cheese. Well, now, how's business doing?
    
    LONIGAN: Not too hot. Some of our customers wanna cut back. They're complaining about the cigarette machines in the downtown bars, and the convention center's kicking about paying off loading permits-
    
    COYLE: Now, now, no more sad stories, Johnny. We Irish have a heart as tender as a baby's behind. My customers pay when I want them, Johnny, not when they feel like it. If you have to persuade them, persuade them.
    
    LONIGAN: Okay, Mr. Coyle, but I'm not as good at that as Momo was. He could talk them into coming through. You know me, I have to break heads. 
    
    COYLE: But Momo's in jail for 10 years, Johnny. So it's up to you now. You have to do what you have to do to keep my operation in line. 
    
    LAURA: Johnny, I'm leaving now. 
    
    COYLE: Oh, Johnny, you're a lucky man.
    
    LAURA: You're very kind, Mr. Coyle, but I'm the lucky one. I'm going shopping, honey, and then home. Thanks for lunch.
    
    LONIGAN: Bye.
    
    COYLE: Hey, Johnny, run and fetch your wife a tin of that imported tea that came in yesterday.
    
    LONIGAN: Yes, sir. 
    
    COYLE: You know, it's a rare man who has both a beautiful wife and an understanding employer. I'll see that he's working tonight. You and I can be alone.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Darcy's Department Store**
    
    HUTCH: Could I maybe interest you in something from women's lingerie? Maybe a negligee?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, but it's not for me. I got this weird partner. I can't decide if he likes black or pink.
    
    HUTCH: Well, it's quiet enough so far.
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm.
    
    HUTCH: What do you think?
    
    STARSKY: I don't like plaids. 
    
    HUTCH: It's not for you.
    
    STARSKY: Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk.
    
    STARSKY: Hmm?
    
    HUTCH: Store security, right on time.
    
    STARSKY: Iron Mike is one hell of a cop. I know he sealed the joint off, but I still can't see how he did it.
    
    HUTCH: It's not for me either.
    
    FERGUSON: You won't see anything much if you don't learn to keep your eyes open. 
    Don't look like you're gonna salute.
    
    STARSKY: Oh.
    
    FERGUSON: I'll be in the accounting office with Sawyer and Platt. Nelson and Bauerman will cover us from the supply room. When the hoods start the action, you seal off the back way. Like we planned, by the numbers. Hmm?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hm.
    
    FERGUSON: All right, folks. Closing time. Please complete your purchases.
    
    HUTCH: You know something, Starsk?
    
    STARSKY: Hmm?
    
    HUTCH: I think I'm gonna take my business elsewhere. His attitude stinks.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: Right on time. SLooks cool on the blind side. We got three men, and we know where they are.
    
    (Gunfight ensues.) 
    
    FERGUSON: Police! You're surrounded!
    
    HUTCH: Get back!  The man said three. And two more show up at our backs.
    
    STARSKY: What do you think?
    
    HUTCH: I think we ought to find out what this guy's into.
    
    STARSKY: Here he is.
    
    FERGUSON: Hey, what the hell's going on? It sounds like a war out here.
    
    HUTCH: We're not sure, Captain.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Coyle Provision Co.**
    
    COYLE: Well, I'm glad you could make it so quickly, Captain. You're the one cop whose mug I don't mind looking at. But then again, I'm a sentimental man.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - City Street**
    
    STARSKY: Hey, Hug, that's quite some motorcycle.
    
    HUGGY: Will you guys come on over here?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, that's a brilliant disguise, Huggy. Who'd ever think to look for a pimp on a motor scooter?
    
    HUGGY: Hey, don't knock it. It fooled my two lovely accomplices over there.
    
    STARSKY: You gotta be kidding. How are you gonna get two foxes like that on a little puddle-jumper like this?
    
    HUGGY: Hey, when the spirit is willing, the flesh can do all kinds of groovy stuff. But I didn't call you down here to discuss my personal philosophy. You asked me to keep an eye on that Ferguson dude. Well, word from the street is that he sweats ice water. He's mean, clean and allergic to green. Unless it's the kind that comes in his regular police pay envelope. Oh, shoot! You guys got any idea how to put this thing together?
    
    HUTCH: Huggy, if this man is so clean, what the hell are we doing down here?
    
    HUGGY: Well, that alley backs up to Coyle's warehouse. That's where the good captain is. He whipped around the block a couple of times, then pulled into Coyle's. That's food for thought, wouldn't you say?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, if you're hungry.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, uh... Listen, keep up the good work, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Thanks a million, Hug.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, your caddie's gonna be ready in a second.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Coyle Provision Co.**
    
    COYLE: What is it that the French say about the way of the world, captain?
    
    FERGUSON: I don't know. Probably something about sex.
    
    COYLE: "The more things change, the more they remain the same." Like our relationship.
    
    FERGUSON: Look, I didn't come for a seminar. Let's get to it.
    
    STARSKY: You weigh a ton. Will you hurry up and listen?
    
    HUTCH: Shh!
    
    FERGUSON: Come on, come on. I don't have the time. Let's have it, Coyle.
    
    COYLE: All right, all right, all right. I'm clear. We understand each other perfectly. Here's what you asked for.
    
    FERGUSON: Thanks.
    
    COYLE: You're entirely welcome, Captain. My pleasure.
    
    HUTCH: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: I got it. Okay.
    
    STARSKY: What'd you get?
    
    HUTCH: Maybe too much.
    
    
    Interior - Day - Squad Room
    
    STARSKY: Hey. The last of Ferguson's files. You find anything?
    
    HUTCH: Only the greatest arrest record since Wyatt Earp.
    
    STARSKY: Wait a second. That's Momo Mantell. Now, he's one of Coyle's top henchmen. How is it possible for Ferguson to be on Coyle's payroll and at the same time grab a guy like Momo?
    
    HUTCH: You know something? If our arrest record was half as good as Ferguson's,
    Dobey would have our shoes bronzed.
    
    STARSKY: Really.
    
    HUTCH: Maybe we ought to drop this whole thing.
    
    STARSKY: It's too late.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: I think somebody down in records told Ferguson we pulled his sheets.
    
    FERGUSON: You know, I ought to have you two rousting winos at the bus station.
    Who are you two punks to check up on me? Look, I don't take garbage from creeps on the street. I'm not gonna start taking it from creeps in my own department.
    I was busting scum in this division when you two were still playing patty-cake.
    And when I started walking a beat in this town, the bums owned it. And a cop was someone you paid to leave you alone. I may not always go by the books, but I get results. And my conscience is as clear as any man's. Meanwhile, while you were nosing after me, I got a line on those hoods that broke loose from the department-store job.
    
    HUTCH: You brought them in?
    
    FERGUSON: No, that's something we're gonna do. Oh, that is, if you'd like to get back into police work. They're holed up in a little apartment house on Garvey. Shall we go?
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Garvy Street Apartment**
    
    FERGUSON: All right, come on. Stay close to the building line. That ground floor apartment in the front. When we go in, they got three choices, straight out or out the sides. Starsky, you get the side door. Hutch, the front door. I'm gonna take that side window. What's the matter? Hmm? Something bothering you? Scared I'm setting you up? All right, take your positions.
    
    HUTCH: Police officer! I have a warrant for your arrest! 
    
    FERGUSON: Hold it! Drop that gun! Come on, all the way out. Easy!
    
    (Gunfire.) 
    
    HUTCH: Cuff him. Hold it!
    
    STARSKY: Captain! Give me your jacket.  I'll go get an ambulance.
    
    FERGUSO: No, no use.
    
    STARSKY: You never know. I'll go anyway.
    
    FERGUSON: I know! Stay here.
    
    HUTCH: Somebody call an ambulance!
    
    FERGUSON: You can't stay lucky forever, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    FERGUSON: Hey, look inside my back pocket, a snitch book. Back page. 
    
    HUTCH: This is the whole scam for the bust today. 
    
    FERGUSON: Call the number in there, a favor to me. Don't tell Dobey. You understand? Huh? Now I want your word.
    
    STARSKY: You got it. 
    
    HUTCH: I understand, captain. You got it. Now, take it easy.
    
    FERGUSON: Call, use it.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, okay.
    
    FERGUSON: There's nothing to be ashamed of.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    FERGUSON: The best thing for... everyone. It's the best...
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Squad Room**
    
    STARSKY: The whole book, nothing but one setup after another.
    
    HUTCH: Look at that. All that information on that Ballet Society extortion bust last year.
    
    STARSKY: Time schedule on the drug bust at Mandalay Heights Airfield.
    
    HUTCH: The armoured-car bust.
    
    STARSKY: Somebody's been feeding Ferguson top-quality information for years.
    
    HUTCH: Well, anybody with that kind of information has gotta be important.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh. And whoever that anybody is apparently belongs to us now.
    
    HUTCH: What's that number? Give me that number.
    
    STARSKY: 555-7263. Think I'll join you.
    
    COYLE: (on phone) Good afternoon.
    
    HUTCH: This is Detective Kenneth Hutchinson.
    
    COYLE: I assume, then, that Captain Ferguson has come to the end of his career. 
    You have my most sincere condolences. I truly mean that. My name, if you don't already know it, is Matt Coyle.
    
    HUTCH: Listen, Mr. Coyle, Ferguson asked us to make this call. That's as far as it goes.
    
    COYLE: Please, sergeant. In Captain Ferguson's name, could we not speak together
    in person? You have my promise that I'll neither insult or compromise you. And you have my solemn word that the captain was never bribed or bought. But this is so awkward on the phone. Could we, uh, not meet in my office? Say, at 3?
    
    HUTCH: Three o'clock.
    
    COYLE: Good. One thing else, please. When you come, come as a cop.
    
    HUTCH: Come as a cop?
    
    STARSKY: I wonder what Ferguson came as.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Coyle Provision Co.**
    
    COYLE: Come in, gentlemen. So I trust you have good reason for disturbing my privacy during business hours.
    
    STARSKY: We got five outstanding crimes we could close this joint down for. Beginning with illegal loading, going all the way up to stacking trash in a public alley without a permit. And if we don't get some cooperation, we're gonna start writing some violations.
    
    COYLE: Why, I'll cooperate, of course.
    
    STARSKY: Good.
    
    COYLE: Johnny. You and Arnie check that shipment of cherries that came in from Portland while I, uh, chat with our visitors.
    
    LONIGAN: Yell if you need me, Mr. Coyle.
    
    COYLE: Oh, I'll do that, Johnny boy. You can count on it. A hundred and twenty cases of the best Bing cherries in the world. I'll see you get some, if you like. I have eats by the tons, boys. Goodies all around us. You see, lads, it's because when I was a wee nipper in Ireland, I was always so flaming hungry, dreaming of food, day and night. That's why I got into this business. So I never starve.
    
    STARSKY: You were born in Jersey City, and you never had a hungry day in your life.
    
    COYLE: True. But my lie had far more color than your grey truth. Now shall we talk?
    
    HUTCH: You were feeding Ferguson the kind of information that cops beg for. 
    Offenses, rapists, bank jobs. You even turned over your number one boy, "Skinny" Momo.
    
    COYLE: That still bothers me. Momo, he was like a son to me. But Iron Mike Ferguson wanted him.
    
    STARSKY: And what did Iron Mike Ferguson have to do in return for all your favours, Coyle? Tell us about that.
     
    COYLE: Ferguson owed me nothing. That's exactly what he gave me. Oh, except maybe once in a while, he gave me a little room to breathe.
    
    HUTCH: You mean he looked the other way.
    
    COYLE: Isn't this a better town without the scum I turned over to Ferguson walking around? The animals and the hard cases I turned over would never have
    come to justice without me. Iron Mike, he understood that. He called it Ferguson's Law. You gotta give a little to get a lot. And if you check the record, gentlemen, you'll realize I have plenty to give.
    
    HUTCH: Not interested.
    
    COYLE: Not even if I deliver the hood who pulled the diamond-exchange heist last week... and the ice? Well, consider it a free trial offer. No obligation. Just like with Iron Mike. Boys, boys. What have you got to lose, hm? He drives a blue Mercury, and I happen to know exactly where he'll be tomorrow morning around 10.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - City Street**
    
    STARSKY: Would you open that briefcase, please? I can pull this gun about two seconds faster than you can make it to that corner. You wanna take the position?
    Come on. Well, I think robbery's gonna be very interested in this.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Coyle Provision Co.**
    
    LONIGAN: Mr. Coyle, they picked up Lester with all the stones from the diamond-exchange job.
    
    COYLE: My, my. That is sad. Just when we were going to make a deal. Can they make it stick?
    
    COYLE: It looks like. He had so many previous possession raps going the lawyers say the cops had cause for search. Well, at least the money we have committed to Lester can be applied to raising the 205,000. Raising the rest is up to you,
    Johnny. I know you won't fail me.
    
    LONIGAN: This is Lonigan. Get Arnie in here and tell him we got work to do. 
    Then call my wife and tell her I'll be late. Mr. Coyle needs me.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Dobey's Office**
    
    DOBEY: Well, my compliments to you. Three important arrests in 48 hours. You're gonna shame me into putting you up for promotion.
    
    HUTCH: That's not what we came here to see you about, Cap.
    
    STARSKY: It's not the promotion, Cap. It's the arrests. Our report's here on the blue sheet. The black book belongs to Mike Ferguson.
    
    DOBEY: Mike Ferguson's my best friend. I never met a finer police officer.
    
    HUTCH: Captain, the tips that Ferguson got from Coyle made him top cop. In exchange, he let Coyle operate uninterrupted.
    
    DOBEY: So what? Maybe that's the best Ferguson could do. Well, don't you ease up
    on Huggy Bear for information?
    
    STARSKY: There's a difference, Cap. Huggy might bend the law a bit, but he's not a monster like Coyle. Ferguson was accepting bribes, Captain. Maybe not in dollar bills, but he was accepting bribes.
    
    DOBEY: I don't believe that.
    
    HUTCH: Coyle said that Ferguson's Law was "Give a little, get a lot."
    
    DOBEY: So, what are you gonna do, believe Coyle?
    
    HUTCH: Well, you tell us, Captain. Did Ferguson have the right to decide who was guilty and who wasn't guilty? Who should be on the street, who shouldn't be on the street? We sure as hell aren't gonna try! Look at the book! What Coyle does is illegal. And we want him for it.
    
    DOBEY: Over Mike Ferguson's dead body.
    
    STARSKY: Captain.
    
    DOBEY: Hey, look. You take that damn book and get out on the street! I hope you catch him! But you leave Mike Ferguson alone. And I want to tell you, half the force has been after Coyle for years and never even wilted his carnation. You think you two are gonna do better?
    
    STARSKY: Maybe. At least we have a place to start.
    
    HUTCH: We got Coyle's number-one man. Momo Mantell.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Prison Visiting Room**
    
    MANTELL: You know who finked on me? You give me his name. Even from here,
    I'll turn him into dead meat.
    
    HUTCH: That's not the way we work, Momo. We give you the name, you give us the information on the finger man so we can put him away.
    
    STARSKY: You want it? You play it our way.
    
    MANTELL: Deal. Who turned me over?
    
    HUTCH: Matt Coyle.
    
    MANTELL: You guys never learn, do you? Do I look that dumb? Even when he was threatening me with 20 to life, Iron Mike Ferguson wasn't stupid enough to try that one. Open the gate.
    
    STARSKY: It's true. Look in the book. Your name is printed in big, fat letters, and Coyle's phone number is printed on the big, fat front page.
    
    MANTELL: Big deal. I got a passport that says I'm a Turkish nobleman. So what? You know, Matt Coyle delivers 500 bucks to my old lady every Tuesday morning, and I never even asked for it.
    
    HUTCH: You know something, Momo? You really are stupid.
    
    MANTELL: Listen, Matt Coyle ain't no Snow White, especially with the ladies. But then my wife ain't no Laura Lonigan either. Lucky for me. But a tongue? No. Not if cows gave beer, my friends.
    
    HUTCH: Well...
    
    STARSKY: "My wife ain't no Laura Lonigan." What did he mean by that?
    
    HUTCH: I didn't even know Lonigan was married.
    
    STARSKY: If he is... If he is, and Coyle is the way Momo says he is...
    
    HUTCH: Maybe we can repeal Ferguson's Law.
    
    STARSKY: Maybe.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Coyle's Apartment**
    
    COYLE: You have two suitors. Me and Johnny Lonigan.
    
    LAURA: But Johnny's my husband, Matt.
    
    COYLE: That's his problem.
    
    LAURA: Oh... It's your problem if he ever found out about us.
    
    COYLE: Oh, you're teasing. How would smiling Johnny ever find out about us?
    
    LAURA: Oh, a little bird might tell him. The last man Johnny found me with,
    he broke both of his arms.
    
    COYLE: What are you up to, darling?
    
    LAURA: Well, there's this little diamond bracelet...
    
    COYLE: Oh, you're a cunning one. We're two of a kind. You can have your bracelet. But you ever do that to me again then you'll be the one that gets their arms broken.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Coyle's Apartment**
    
    HUGGY: He's with her now, fellas, up in his pad. Apartment 6A, Laura Lonigan.
    
    STARSKY: You're kidding.
    
    HUGGY: And at no additional fee, a color portrait of the lady in question.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh.
    
    HUGGY: Took that myself.
    
    HUTCH: Hair like sunlight.
    
    STARSKY: Well, Lonigan is Coyle's main man.
    
    HUGGY: Hey, fellas, don't thank me. Just lay some presidential portraits on green paper on me.
    
    STARSKY: Who'd you have in mind?
    
    HUGGY: Grant will do just fine.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah? How about a handful of Washingtons?
    
    HUGGY: Ohh. 
    
    HUTCH: Take three Lincolns.
    
    STARSKY: Keep you in Turtle Wax.
    
    HUGGY: Gee, thanks, fellas.
    
    HUTCH: I think it's about time that we pay our friend Coyle a visit.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Coyle's Apartment**
    
    COYLE: It's the curse of electricity. It's always ringing bells at the wrong time. Best get out of sight. Patience. I'm coming! Yes, yes, yes.
    
    HUTCH: Mr. Coyle. Sorry to barge in like this. We didn't think you'd mind.
    
    COYLE: Well, that depends, wouldn't it?
    
    STARSKY: Oh, we... We won't keep you from your hobby too long. It's just we've been thinking about what you said.
    
    COYLE: Bottom line, please.
    
    HUTCH: Bottom line? All the busts that we've been in on, they're all silk, all top of the line.
    
    COYLE: So?
    
    STARSKY: We're in. Like Ferguson.
    
    COYLE: Well, now you're behaving like mature individuals. And you don't even have to shelve your conscience. I assure you, Iron Mike never did.
    
    HUTCH: Well, forgetting all that abstract stuff, all that conscience stuff, we'd like to start out with something special. 
    
    STARSKY: Sign of good faith.
    
    COYLE: Name it.
    
    HUTCH: Johnny Lonigan.
    
    COYLE: Johnny Lonigan. Well, now, be reasonable, boys. I've already given Momo over to you.I do need an assistant.
    
    STARSKY: Put an ad in the paper. You want us, give up Lonigan.
    
    COYLE: Johnny'll be collecting some money for me at a bar in Devon this afternoon. If you want enough evidence to put him away, you have it. Now, is that a sign of my good faith?
    
    STARSKY: Well, let's just say we know you a little better.
    
    HUTCH: Sorry about that.
    
    LAURA: Anything important?
    
    COYLE: No, not compared to this, darling. Not compared to this.
    
    
    **Interior - Day - Schultz's Bar**
    
    LONIGAN: You bought this, Schultz! Mr. Coyle asked for his money, and he only asks once.
    
    HUTCH: So do we, Johnny. Don't move. You, take a hike.
    
    LONIGAN: You're wasting your time, cop. I'll be out in two hours.
    
    STARSKY: Not a chance, Johnny. You were given to us with a big, pink ribbon.
    And when Matt Coyle gives a gift, he gives a gift.
    
    LONIGAN: You're dreaming, cop. I'll be out on bail. Go on. Take me in!
    
    HUTCH: You don't understand something, Johnny. You were set up.
    
    STARSKY: Recognise the handwriting?
    
    HUTCH: You were thrown to us because we asked for you. That's how your friend Coyle stays in business. He sells his friends to the heat. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Now, we're gonna give you a chance to get even, John. You just tell us how to nail him.
    
    LONIGAN: Lousy cops. That note's a forgery! Matty wouldn't do that to me! He's my friend.
    
    STARSKY: Johnny, you know where Laura is now?
    
    LONIGAN: She's shopping downtown. What's it to you?
    
    STARSKY: No. Apartment 6A, Bolero Towers. Does that sound familiar?
    
    LONIGAN: You're lying! You're both lying to me!
    
    HUTCH: No. Now, Johnny boy... Johnny, we can be there in five minutes.
    
    STARSKY: What's it gonna be, Johnny?
    
    LONIGAN: I'll give him to you good. We're supposed to make a big cocaine buy tonight, $205,000 worth.
    
    
    **Exterior - Night - Deserted Area**
    
    COYLE: It's Matt Coyle, Walters. My man Lonigan was picked up, so I come in person.
    
    STARSKY: Don't move a muscle! Real easy. Keep that leg up. Keep it up. Just keep watching the action. That-ta-boy.
    
    COYLE: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Ball game's over, Mother Machree!
    
    (Gunfight ensues.)
    
    HUTCH: Drop it! Drop it!
    
    STARSKY: All right, hold it right there. Where's Coyle?
    
    COYLE: I'm not running, gentlemen. You got me. I'll do my time. Well, it won't be much. And then when I get out you'll be older and more weary. Like Iron Mike was. And then... Well, then, me buckos, and then you'll be calling me. 
    
    
    **Interior - Night - Venice Place**
    
    STARSKY: It's your move.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, I know it's my move. Just give me a minute, will you?
    
    STARSKY: I can give you all the time you want.
    
    STARSKY: Uh... I wouldn't do that if I were you.
    
    HUTCH: Why not?
    
    STARSKY: Well, you do that, I'm liable to jump all over your pony.
    
    HUTCH: It's called a knight, Starsk. It's called a knight. A knight.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, don't get angry. You know, we don't have to play this game. Just because you taught me tonight.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, I know all about beginner's luck. Now, if you'd just be quiet.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, I'll be quiet. I'll be as quiet as long as you want me to be quiet.
    
    HUTCH: All right.
    
    STARSKY: I just don't know how you can defend Ferguson.
    
    HUTCH: He made a lot of impressive arrests.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, but he left a monster like Coyle to run around the streets.
    
    HUTCH: Well, Coyle was important to us. Maybe Iron Mike couldn't see that far.
    Maybe what was important to Iron Mike was the beat that he walked on for 25  years, the pushers and the pimps, the guys who'd slit your throat for five bucks.
    
    STARSKY: Ah, ah. I wouldn't do that.
    
    HUTCH: Why not?
    
    STARSKY: Well, you do that, I'm gonna capture your joey.
    
    HUTCH: It's a bishop, Starsk, it's called a bishop. And if you'd ever be quiet...
    
    STARSKY: I thought you said you couldn't pick those pieces up like that.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, I didn't take my finger off it!
    
    STARSKY: Oh.
    
    STARSKY: You're just saying that Ferguson couldn't tell a forest from the trees.
    
    HUTCH: Trees to you, Starsky, but maybe to a cop who's stayed out too long 
    those trees become the forest. Check.
    
    STARSKY: Checkmate. 
    
    HUTCH: Why would I make a dumb move like that?
    
    STARSKY: Starsky's Law. Talk a little, win a lot.
    
    END


End file.
